This book excites me. "Present Over Perfect" by Shauna Niequist is one of those books that will stay with me for a long time and one of those books that I want to re-read and re-read and re-read. That is because the overarching theme of this book – to be present over perfect – resonated with me so deeply in a time of my life where I needed to hear this message, believe in it, and internalize it.
My quick disclaimer with this book is that it does have faith elements in it as the author, Shauna Niequist, talks about her relationship with God and Christianity. Faith is something important to me in my own life so I found comfort in hearing her words, but if you are not a person of faith then the book may not resonate with you as much. Nevertheless, the book’s message is not faith-based and learning to be present over perfect is something we can all relate to.
Niequist used to be a woman who was swallowed by her work, her family responsibilities, and her need to be seen as the reliable, responsible, and organized individual – the one that never said ‘No’ and could always be counted on to help out and get the job done. She was frequently travelling for work, attending events, getting on and off planes, and saying yes to every opportunity that came her way.
“I don’t want to get to the end of my life and look back and realize that the best thing about me was I was organized. That I executed well, that I ran a tight ship, that I never missed a detail.” - Shauna Niequist, Present Over Perfect
Niequist was becoming frantic, overwhelmed, and overrun by exhaustion. She wasn’t living presently in the moment and was always wrapped up in her to-do list and her fears. Her health was deteriorating and she was losing herself. She had a realization after a mentor of hers invited her to an event in San Francisco. Niequist had mixed feelings – she wanted to go and she didn’t, she was tired and overwhelmed, and she couldn’t decide what to do. She sent back an e-mail rambling and incoherent, in her words, stating how she thought her life would be different, she thought she would feel different, and she didn’t know what to do anymore. The one line that stuck out to her from her mentor’s reply was, “Stop. Right now. Remake your life from the inside out.” That response spoke to her and became a sort of mantra for her when she got out of tune from living presently.
“We decide where the time goes. There's so much freedom in that, and so much responsibility.” - Shauna Niequist, Present Over Perfect
Living present over perfect is no easy feat. I know for me, personally, this is probably my greatest struggle. I am always running ahead to the next thing, looking forward, planning, doing my best to be prepared. In this book, Niequist poses the question, “What powers our work when it's no longer about addiction to achievement?”
I read that question and re-read it again and then I paused for a moment. I needed to pause for a moment because that question shook me quite honestly. I never really realized how much my own desire to constantly be achieving, accomplishing, and moving forward was actually an addictive tendency. When posed the question, What powers our work when it’s no longer about addiction to achievement? – well, I didn’t have an answer. Frankly, I had no clue. My first blog post about my personal journey was literally called Adversity to Achievement. That should have been a hint to me right there.
What happened to me when I finished reading this book – and I mean really reading and reflecting – was that I felt renewed. I felt a sense of liberation because something finally clicked with me in a way it hadn’t for a long time.
I can honestly say that I felt lighter, more relaxed, and like a weight had truly been shed from me. When you come to the realization that you don’t have to do it all, that you are enough without a new achievement every month or even every week (or even every day!), and that the happiness and joy you expect to feel after each achievement isn’t actually there at the end, you really get it. When you don’t celebrate your wins because now you’ve moved on to the next thing you can achieve, that’s a problem. When that happy feeling is so fleeting that it’s like you’ve barely celebrated or barely realized that you accomplished your goal at all - then that’s a wake up call.
“Just because you have the capacity to do something doesn't mean you have to do it.” -Shauna Niequist, Present Over Perfect
I was that girl who was always working – 40+ hour weeks doing employment counselling and front-line crisis intervention with my clients, staying late if I had to, volunteering to help out in other programs, going above and beyond – all while doing my post-graduate studies courses on top of that, making sure I spent quality time with my partner and my friends, coming home for every family gathering, and thinking about what more I could be doing. How else could I be contributing to society. Should I be volunteering on the weekends? Were there any training courses I could take to help me excel in my field? You name it, I was thinking about it.
It became too much – and it was a health scare that was the first thing that really snapped me back to reality. That made me realize I was suffering from burn out and I had to change my ways ASAP. Don’t wait for such a serious wake up call before you decide you are deserving of a better, healthier, easier lifestyle.
Niequist summed up how I felt perfectly when she said:
“I believed that work would save me, make me happy, solve my problems; that if I absolutely wore myself out, happiness would be waiting for me on the other side of all that work. But it wasn't. On the other side was just more work. More expectations, more responsibility. I'd trained a whole group of people to know that I would never say no, I would never say "this is too much". I would never ask for more time or space, I would never bow out. And so they kept asking, and I was everyone's responsible girl.” - Shauna Niequist, Present Over Perfect
You have to work on things from the inside and really ask yourself what are you hoping to gain from your job or your work – what kind of escape are these things offering you and are these things what’s making you feel whole and adequate? That shouldn’t be the only thing giving you those feelings of adequacy. You need to feel that way on your own - on the inside first.
Some things I really enjoyed from the book were Niequist’s use of sea metaphors. She talks about sea changes, what the lake teaches, walking on water, and going from ship to wreck. In case you couldn’t tell from the name of my business or some of my other feature books, I’m a big fan of the ocean and the sea way of living. The metaphors were easy to visualize and they really spoke to me. The chapters in the book are fairly short, which is nice because you can read a chapter or two easily when you have a spare few minutes. It is a great self-development book that is quick to read and comprehend. Niequist is able to incorporate her own life stories and real-world examples to explain the book’s lessons in a way that allows you to live vicariously through her. By the end of the book, you feel like you know Niequist and her family authentically.
Niequist talks about her journey from busyness to stillness – she now lives in a world of quiet, connection, and simplicity. If you’re jealous of her, you’re not alone. It is possible to be like Shauna and to live presently over perfectly. It takes some deep soul searching, inner reflection, self-healing, and giving yourself a lot of love – but it is possible, and it is a better way.
Let me end with the words that spoke to Shauna in the hopes that they will speak to you too:
“Stop. Right now. Remake your life from the inside out.”
I hope you pick up this book and I hope it has a great effect on you like it had for me.
Sending you love and strength on your journey ahead!
Sabrina
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